The Last Airbender movie annoys me. A LOT

FootneSo this movie is on TV right now, as we speak… and it infuriates me. M. Night Shyamalan ruined this movie. It didn’t need to be made. It didn’t want to be made. It especially didn’t want him to write, produce and direct it, but he did it anyway and MAN did he screw up big time. You seen the original show? This is nothing fucking like it.

Y’see, the show is good. Great, even. Thinking about it, it may just have a place among my favourite TV shows of all time. Don’t believe, me? Watch it. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Go and watch all three seasons of this, frankly, quite brilliant animation and you won’t be disappointed. It’s imaginative, fun and whimsical. It has good themes, strong characters that you actually like… I don’t care if it’s supposed to be a kids’ show; it has everything a good show needs to be successful. NOT THIS BORING TURD.

So it currently holds a 4.2/10 on IMDB. It does not deserve this. Half that score for a fucking start. I mean, it had a budget in excess of $150 million and I’m sat here wondering where exactly that budget went. The special effects are terrible, the story is janky and jumps all over the place… and dear God… the acting. Sure, they’re mostly young actors, but does that mean they get a free pass? NO. NO IT DOESN’T. Watch Super 8; the kids in that are great! Every single actor in this movie looks like they don’t give a shit. No joke. Delivery is terrible, none of them care at all. And to make matters worse, almost none of them are recognisable as their television counterparts. “Let’s make all the bad characters Indian” – for no reason. They aren’t in the show. “Let’s scrap the whole Inuit-based idea for the water tribes and cast a bunch of white folks” – for no reason. “Let’s try and cram 20 episodes into an hour and 30 minutes” – because that works. OH WAIT.

avatar-comp-pics

Look how much personality all the actors have…

And the bending… don’t even get me STARTED. Yeah, for those of you who haven’t seen this, ‘bending’ is what they call controlling the elements. The Fire Nation, big shock, can control and, importantly, CREATE fire. The Water Tribes… yeah you get the picture. In this movie they fucked it. Plain and simple. In the show, these skills formed the basis for some pretty epic spectacles. You wanted to have these powers for yourself. They were dynamic, fast and vastly different from one another, each being based on a different Chinese martial art style. In the movie…. they fucked it. They absolutely fucked it. The fire people can’t create fire, everyone just waves their arms and legs about and then shitty special effect water, fire and rocks slowly move around and basically have no impact. I mean, you just have to watch a side by side comparison for this to make much sense. It’s lifeless, it’s dull and seems basically useless. Most characters even forget they have these superpowers and just do shit all.

aang-and-zuko-fight-bored

This makes it look better than it is. See, this is too cool.

Finally, if you’re going to take inspiration from anything, especially if it already exists as a piece of televised or cinematic entertainment, the LEAST you could do is get characters’ names right… But Shyamalan can’t do that. Apparently Aang isn’t good enough. Let’s call him Ung. Sokka? Nah, let’s say SOAK-ah. Iro (eye-row)? Nah, EEErow is MUCH better. Fuck yourself. Dev Patel’s in this as well. Y’know? From Slumdog Millionaire! He was good in that wasn’t he? Well he’s shit in this. They all are. Especially the main kid who literally has no personality. Well jeepers, he was exactly like that in the show wasn’t he? Of course, M. Night… of course he was… FUCK OFF.

Look, if you ever get the chance to watch this piece of crap, don’t waste your time. It shouldn’t have been made. It is an insult to the original show and it’s an insult to us, the consumers. $150 million just pissed away on this piece of garbage. If we watch it and buy it, it’s a little letter to Hollywood saying that pulling this shit is OK. Well it’s not. You want to watch an Avatar movie, go and watch James Cameron’s one. It’s… fine. Better than this dickweed anyway. You know what, go one better and WATCH THE TV SHOW. And the Legend of Korra as well. That’s some good, solid fun. Watching this movie is like throwing up and taking a sloppy shit at the same time: uncomfortable, messy… and you just want it to be over.


I give this asscrap a SOLID 2/10

Footnote: Dev Patel just won himself a BAFTA. So the guy CAN act, contrary to what this movie might want you to believe. I wonder why they showed this movie on tonight of all nights… Night.. M. Night…. MY GOD

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